It's a totally lame Halloween, Charlie Brown!

Uh, so are like all the trick-or-treating age kids in this godforsaken town too preoccupied with their MySpace accounts, their iPods and their PlayStations to give a hobo's crap about Halloween? I'm just saying! It is now 8:30 p.m. I have had a total of THREE trick-or-treaters. Three. In totally lame costumes. And by that I mean, mostly not really in costumes at all. There was a teenage kid in a black frizzy wig. To said kid I asked, "What are you supposed to be? Just a random guy in a wig?" He looked at me, gave an uncomfortable snicker, grabbed a handful of Tootsie Pops and took off at a dead run. Yeah, I made the last part up, but it's my story. There was another younger kid, maybe 10-ish, in what I guess was supposed to be a Union Carpenter's costume. He came to the door and rang the bell, and stood there. Said nothing, but flipped open his toolbox which served as his candy carrying case. I tossed in a few chocolate eyeballs and he was good to go. The third kid? No costume and a flappy plastic grocery store bag, already brimming to its top with various sugars and transfats. Gone are the days of popcorn balls and Affy Tapples. Oh well.

As a kid, Halloween was always a favorite. Still is. My Mom used to handcraft all of our costumes, which was always a treat. I had the best costumes! One of my favorites was from the late 70's (jeez, that makes me feel ancient) where I dressed up as a space girl. My costume was crafted of this silvery, stiff metallic fabric and it had this really cool, high collar which was higher than my head in the back. For those of you who remember the early days of SNL, think along the lines of Jane Curtain and the ConeHeads. I also had these fabulous tall, shiny, white patent leather boots to complete the outfit. Another time, I was a bumble bee. Another year, a maid mouse, complete with apron and a chunk of swiss cheese on a serving platter. My sister even went as a cactus one year, which must have been painstaking to make considering it was complete with cactus prickles and even a flower on top. (She was a saguaro, my Arizona friends!) Good memories there. I also had this giant plastic pumpkin bucket that housed my treats each year. Judy, our childhood next-door-neighbor, made homemade popcorn balls. I didn't care for those much as a kid but would almost kill for one right about now. The houses that gave away the full size candy bars back then were a huge bonus, too, similar to winning the Kid Lottery.

Ho-hum. Almost 9 p.m. now. The trick-or-treating has seemingly ceased. Guess I'll finish up another mug of Theraflu to assist with the snot production and sore throat I am currently experiencing, and head off to bed. I can barely keep my eyes open.

May the ghouls be with you!