Bite me beachbody.com, and a little etcetera.

Well... you probably sense the sarcasm here already. The past several entries, I am finding, are turning this into complain-o-blog. That's okay right? Out with the bad air, in with the good air, out with the.... Fine. You catch my drift. Now then. A few weeks ago, I receive a package in the mail. Like most humans who walk the planet upright, as long as my package is not ticking or on fire with some sort of foul substance inside it, generally speaking I am extremely excited to get most ANYTHING in the mail other than the usual smattering of bills. With one of those big, gold medallion-looking, excitement-inducing stickers, my package is marked, "Your surprise is inside!" Hmm. Already I am skeptical. I didn't order any sort of "surprise" that I could best recall. But, it wasn't ticking, nor was it emitting any sort of foul odor. Be that as it may, I thought I'd let it sit for a week before opening it, just to make sure. (Actually, it's because I was lazy. And yes, a person can be lazy enough not to open a package. It happens.) Last week, I decided to check my Arizona bank account, because I have been trying to close it, but it needed to be at a zero balance first. So I check the bank website, and what. the. hell. ???!!!!!!! I see a CHARGE to my account in the amount of $48.95. Whaaaaa???? My blood begins to simmer slightly, and I tear open the "surprise package" complete with paperwork which reads, "This is not an invoice. Paid in full." BAMMO, there it is... my surprise. You remember the Kathy Smith infomercial that I succumbed to some time ago?? Yeah, well, this was the "follow-up" item. The "free" follow-up gift that I was surprised to see, with surprise charges. THE ITEM I DID NOT ORDER, nor did I want, nor did I authorize. So, after waiting on perpetual hold, beachbody.com customer service receives a piece of my telephonic mind, and a few threats to boot. I had to make a SPECIAL REQUEST to get a "Return Authorization Number" otherwise they would not accept it if I sent it back without it. Since when do you need a special number to send something back??!!! Obviously this terrible company wanted to do their best to maintain their status as worst customer service on the PLANET. I pitched a major fit to the customer service rep, and wasn't done yet. I also sent a nasty email, and, surprisingly enough, did receive a response in return. It read something like, "We're very sorry you did not understand the service package when you placed your initial order..." Service package??! I didn't order no stinkin service package!! They haven't seen the last of me.

Wait, I'm not finished. So today, I go to the post office, and have to wait in the longest line EVER while Wiseguy Chump decides he needs to address, label, and tape up a stack of packages while in line. Come on, people! Advance planning, advance planning!!! I return the stupid package and must pay and extra $10 just to get rid of this stupid thing. Oh! The best part? I forgot to tell you what the "surprise gift" was!! That's right, it was a $49 INFLATABLE BALLOON that an adult could hop around on. Hop, hop, hop your way to better abs, people!!! And yes, it also contained an instructional manual so I could learn how to effectively hop around on this balloon in an ergonomically pleasing fashion, just in case my brain was replaced during my sleep with a small tub of gray pudding. Give me a BREAK. I have learned my InfoLesson. Twice over. "In like a jackass, out like a machine gun carrying gopher...." Righhhht.

In other news, you MUST click away and check out this blog!!! This is stolen, courtesy of Norman, and it is just about the most hilarious thing I have ever read online. I don't know what it is about exotic foods that amuse me, but this is experimentation at its best.

Changing tangents again.... just one more rant about the Starbuck's comment I made in the previous post...... while I do not consider corporatemonger (like my new word?) Starbucks a major life staple by any means, it is simply amusing to me that a city of 150K people would have just one. I'd much rather go to Mom & Pop CoffeeStop, but alas... there are no coffee shops anywhere in the vicinity. Thus, the JW homebrew will suffice for now. There, I feel better now.

Today after work, I stopped by my favorite little produce shop and picked up some fabulous deals: a bag o green beans for $.99, bag o new potatoes for $.99, and a pint of both cherry toms and strawberries for just under $.99, too. Bargain! For dinner I made some pan-seared parmesan chicken in white wine with sauteed green beans and mushrooms. I'm feeling very chef-tastic these days. The new year weightgain plan is coming along nicely, no thanks to you, beachbody.com monkeys!!!