Forty Things

I have one of those day-to-day flippy calendars which features a sampling of 10,000 things to be happy about. 10,000 is a LOT of things. I'm not sure I could think of 10,000 things to be happy about on my own. However, I can easily think of 10,000 things that tick me off. In fact, I'm thinking about getting this published. The "10,000 Things That Tick Me Off Day-to-Day Calendar". Yes! I will soon be a millionaire and I will purchase obnoxious status purses and I will buy a chihuahua that will wear little dresses and strings of pearls, just because I can! Here's my sampling, hereby copyrighted.

1. An overuse of the phrase "proactive" or "as we move forward" during meetings.
2. Meetings.
3 . Ridiculous names celebrities use for their children.
4. Slicing your finger on a dog food can lid.
5. Not matching a single number on your lotto ticket.
6. Having to use a port-o-potty.
7 . Splashing blue chemical water on your butt from said port-o-potty.
8. Being too old to choose a prize from the treasure chest at the dentist.
9. Those "hard parts" in sausage and in gyro meat.
10. Being unable to locate the source of a foul odor.
11. No decent Saturday morning cartoons.
12. People who cut you off while driving, only to turn onto another street one second faster than if they had stayed behind you in the first place.
13. Wal-Mart.
14. Grime on the buttons of ATM machines and library computer keyboards.
15. Brownies with nuts.
16. Men with long fingernails.
17. Having to shake a hand of questionable cleanliness.
18. A limp or "half hand" handshake.
19. "Unusually high call volume" at every customer service number, ever.
20. Professional wrestling fans.
21. Hiccups that last for hours.
22. The first fly of the season.
23. Bending back your fingernail.
24. Opening the blinds... which then somehow break and fall on your head.
25. Old lady perfume applied with one squirt too many.
26. Dog flatulence.
27. Garbage water which drips on your sock while taking the leaky garbage bag out.
28. An eyelash in your eye that you cannot locate.
29. Waterproof mascara that still runs, yet does not easily wash off.
30. Plastic wrap sticking to itself.
31. Denny's.
32. Stepping in poo.
33. Someone who gets hired for a position you know you were qualified for.
34. Getting a speeding ticket in a rural area.
35. Rabbits that eat the tops off all your glorious, happy flowers.
36. Shirts that form a permanent deodorant crust in the armpit that does not wash out.
37. Hotel bedspreads.
38. Expensive restaurants with lousy food.
39. Incompetence.
40. People who take advantage of "the system".

Ok, folks! There's my sampling. If you have some of your own to add, please share. Maybe someday when I'm rich and famous, I'll send you some of the proceeds...